Married Life
Sending Love
MT
It’s a very wonderful article – “Relationship with Your Parents = Relationship with Others”: http://wp.me/ptUDl-6A.
How can we have good relationships with in-laws? Why always there is some insecurity, disharmony in this relationship?
Parents of a girl and parents of a boy, both should be treated equally. After all both are parents. If one be grateful for his/her parents, does the relationship with in-laws will also improve?
Why after marriage of a son, parents get usually upset?
They start seeing faults, blaming son and daughter-in-law even for small things. How one can be perfect this much? Even son and daughter-in-law may have same feeling for them!
How both can have normal relationship (unconditional) with each other?
Naran
In any healing, one should think about oneself only.
One should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving love or being blamed or criticized.
Expecting others to behave as per our wish will not work because each one is different – each one’s background, learning, upbringing, views and opinions are totally different.
Only opposites are attracted to be in one place, so that we learn the art of living in co-existence within a family.
How to change oneself by asking some relevant questions?
Where am I now? There is disharmony in the family.
What do I want? I want harmony in the family.
How do I maintain this problem? Or how do I contribute – my thoughts, my opinions, and my behavior, to this disharmony?
Or what is in me that maintains this disharmony?
How can I get harmony?
How will I change to get harmony?
Why can’t I solve it?
How could I make this harmony possible?
What is required to have harmony?
MT
You said that one should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving or being blamed or criticized. That is fine!
Sending love means what?
Is it always thinking well about in-laws, parents, loved ones or is it seeing good in them or is it always to say “yes” to them, whatever they expect from me?
Are we allowed to express ourselves in harmless way, when I don’t like something or don’t want do certain things or wanted to do in another way?
Or sending love means being kind with them?
Pls help me to understand sending love means what?
Naran
Ask these questions to yourself and you will get the answer.
Release Your Spouse Qualities
Client
“My wife is very possessive and highly interfering”.
Naran
Take one quality of your wife at a time.
Assume that quality is within you. In fact, you will be having those qualities inside you. That’s why you have attracted her to you.
Now, do the following, taking one quality a day:
- First day: “I release my interfering nature to Chicory.” Keeping this intention in mind, chant “CHICORY”.
- Second day: “I release my possessive nature to Chicory”. Chant “CHICORY”.
- Third day: “I release my insecurities to Chicory”. Chant “CHICORY”.
While doing the above exercise, please do the following too:
- Be sure to thank the opposite person for revealing the inadequacies and shortcomings inside you.
- Reflect on your past, find out whether you have exhibited these qualities towards others, and then release them to Chicory.
This does not mean that there is no place for emotions in life. However, they should be used as different tool and then they had to be let go. There is place for anger too, but if it not forgotten or released then it becomes a rancor.
Good Spouse Vs Bad Spouse
Bad Spouse
Kavita
My husband has started defaming me on social networking sites now. Please let me know if I’ll ever be able to win back his lost love for me?
Naran
Do the forgiving exercise for him
Download a picture of Emerald and keep it under the pillow.
Chant “AGRIMONY, CRAB APPLE, ADJUST TOGETHER CHANGE NOW”
Good Spouse
D
At the end of a life of total sacrifice and devotion to her partner in dharma, didn’t mother Sita cry in anguish and say ‘Mother take me into your lap. I can’t take this anymore!!!’, till mother earth parted to gather her pain.
This was in spite of having the most revered person Sri Rama as her husband and it being a world of Truth (Satya Yug)!
If it is ball comes that comes back as pain and suffering (or joy and happiness) what ball did mother Sita throw?
She is referring, “Have a Ball of Love”: http://togetherrelationship.wordpress.com/2013/04/15/have-a-ball-of-love/here.
Naran
A wonderful question!
Rama and Sita, yes they loved each other very intensely. Nothing can separate them. They had so much of trust in each other.
Then why did Rama deport Sita just for the sake of one dhobi (washer man) who questioned the chastity of Sita.
Is it because Ram also had the same doubt about Sita in him? No! It is a categorical no.
Rama’s love for Sita was so total and complete – we can also say they both represent the ideal husband wife relationship – that he could not have an iota of doubt at all.
Then why did he deport Sita to her utter dismay?
Rama was the one person who could understand the mass psychology better than anybody else.
Had he ignored the comment of the dhobi, thinking, “I know better? My Sita is beyond all this”, how many false stories would have been concocted, down the history tarnishing the image of Sita!
Because Ram did not want this to happen, he took the harsh decision against his own will.
For Rama, protecting Sita’s character was more important. Can anyone bear if his wife is blamed as characterless? Think how tormented he would have been, before taking the decision.
Rama had total trust in her. He is happily bearing all the blames people have been inflicting on him, just for the sake of his love for Sita.
Sita’s name is more important for which he sacrificed his name, taking the blame on him. Rama’s action is the vindication of Divine love.
On the day of SRI RAMA NAVAMI, let us have the blessing of the most Divine couple Sita and Rama SRI RAM JAYA RAM JAYA JAYA RAM.
Final Note
Look at the plight of the lady who has asked me a question. How much torture she would have gone through, when her own husband writes badly about her, in social websites?
A pleasant wedding day
Meera
Referring the article: http://theflowerangels.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/be-happy-dont-worry/
I read your article about the Bach Flower Remedy GENTIAN. Actually, I am the same kind of unlucky person.
So, I wanted to use it on my wedding day. From the morning I chanted GENTIAN and HONEY SUCKLE.
The following incidents happened:
- First thing in the morning my son didn’t cry much to go to school that day.
- After his schooling we went to temple with the fear it may be closed. But, I was surprised to see it was open and we saw “Uchi Kala Pooja” (mid-day prayers).
- Then we went for the lunch in a very good hotel. Usually, when we go for lunch, my situation will be that I will never get a dish which I order. My son will never eat nor leave me to eat peacefully. But what happened that day was we chose a buffet. Next it was a hotel with metro train interiors where my son could enjoy a lot and ate too.
- Usually, I regret any kind of purchase I make. This time, my husband wanted to gift me a watch. When we went to the store, I didn’t find anything satisfied. Suddenly my husband pointed a beautiful one, which was out of our budget. However, he happily got it for me.
- Then at night we went for a movie (since my son was born, first time we went to theatre after 3years). I was scared as to how to handle my nagging son. Luckily we got corner seat and my son was enjoying walking up and down while we enjoyed the movie.
On the whole, that day was a total surprise to me. Really it is the most pleasant day.
Thanks for all your help.
Explanation
To remain satisfied of your actions: GENTIAN
With no regrets: HONEY SUCKLE
Why my husband felt hurt
Raga
In addition to the CDs that you suggested, I bought the “Welcome Change” and “Bach Flower Meditation” on the www.1minyoga.com site.
But, whenever I listen to “Welcome Change” CD, I get a slight headache.
The same is not the case when I listen to the other CDs – Harmony, Forgiveness, Together Divine, I love myself and Bach Flower meditation.
Why does this happen like this? Should I continue listening or should I stop?
Please advise me.
Shobana
Listen through speakers. Not by headphones.The welcome change is about changing oneself. Probably there is resistance to change. No one has complained so far about this.
Raga
It worked!
I stopped listening to Welcome Change CD over the headphones and started listening through speakers and my headache stopped.
In fact, I keep running these CDs all throughout the day whenever it is possible and it is so pleasant.
I am also using the “Release Resistance” CD while chanting and I find that I have been able to identify where I went wrong with my husband.
Something that I didn’t identify exactly, but now I could pin-point that.
I can now empathize with him as to why did he get so much hurt. Something of my past which I thought is un-important and did not tell him because I felt it is not necessary or important for our marriage that he came across when he hacked my mails.
He got hurt that I did not share with him. He felt I don’t feel him important enough to share with him.
From my perspective, he is being irrational. But, from his perspective, he is not able to accept that I did not share with him everything.
It is not necessary what I think about the situation. What is necessary is that I understand his pain when he read all that.
Whether he is right or wrong, I am not the judge, God only is the right judge and whatever HE decides is right.
Now, I really want to make amends. I really want to give my husband so much love and happiness and take away all his hurt and pain.
I really hope Divine grace showers on my marriage and my husband comes out of this misunderstanding and suffering.
Thank you and Naran very much for giving such wonderful methods for overcoming so many problems of all.
Play happy
Madhu
How can we give up thinking about future as we see so many broken and unhappy marriages in my surroundings?
So, this kind of fear comes.
Naran
When a thought comes, check the mind by saying, “If this thought gives me fear, why don’t I release this?”
“Can I release this?”
Just say “I let go this thought which gives me fear”.
You can also ask another question, “What thought gives me fearlessness?”
Come with as many thoughts as possible.
When a thought that gives you safety or trust appears, welcome it and release it.
It is a game! Play!!
No love from husband
Aarti
Referring the blog:http://wp.me/ptUIO-2f
Very nice post! But I have a doubt in mind.
In my case, I and my husband got married 3 years back. He said he loved me and asked my father for our marriage. My father agreed (I also liked him).
But, his parents were not ready for this (still they keep torturing me for the same) at the time of our marriage.
He was engaged to one girl forcefully by his parents. That girl use to torture him and dominate him for everything.
We were friends at that time. He realized his love for me and approached my father for the same.
But after marriage everything changed. His parents tortured us though we are not staying together. He never loved me the way a husband loves his wife. Not even for the initial few days.
Till date he has not said anything good to me, and no intimacy between us since we got married. I never got emotional and physical love, which every girl dreams of when she is about to get married.
I asked him to go to a doctor many times, but he never accepted he has any problems. I have cried a lot in front of him, but he laughs. How he can laugh when Iam crying if he said he loved me?
This had been happening right from the start.Iam frustrated.
Now, I get a feeling he is not right person for me. Last three weeks Iam crying telling him how I feel, for which he has an answer, “I don’t know why I behave like this”. Can’t he see my pain?
Also, he is very selfish he only think of himself. He does not give me any respect. I am angry and frustrated.
I am 32 years old waiting for my husband to love me. I don’t have time as I want a baby also, but before that I want a good loving and a caring husband.
Now, if I feel I should divorce him. Am I feeling wrong? Also don’t I deserve love and physical intimacy from my husband? Am I asking too much?
He says do whatever I feel is right. If I feel I should divorce him, he says to go ahead and do it. Why did he marry me? I feel just to get rid of that previous girl.
As I understand, I don’t nag him for anything. What should I do? Should I divorce him? WillI have a good life? Please help me.
Naran
Most of the times, women suffer much at the hands of husbands.
Take the flower remedy AGRIMONY and SWEET CHESTNUT, two pills, three times a day.
Chant “I AM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I LOVE YOU I THANK YOU”